From a very young age, boys are powerfully inducted into misogyny. They recognise that they are considered the superior gender. They understand that they exist in a large social community with an unshakable misogynistic foundation. They quickly learn that the world is structured to favour them, that power and privilege are theirs to wield. They don’t just recognise this dynamic, they exploit it. They see how the world around them treats women, how young girls are even more vulnerable, and they accept that this vulnerability can be manipulated, controlled, and dominated. 

In Nigeria, as in many parts of the world, this dynamic is particularly vicious. Marital rape is not a crime, domestic violence is often dismissed as a private matter, girls can be traded off to pedophiles without consequences, men — even those in law enforcement — can rape and brutalise women and girls.

In case you’ve missed this on your TL, this is the rapist. Officer OWOLABI AKINLOLU, a Superintendent of Police. This 56 year old man lured a 17 year old to his office, hit her with his gun, raped her and told her to come back daily to be raped again.

This is his face! https://t.co/56P60zayGN pic.twitter.com/tetRFycqXH

— Aunty Teda (@imoteda) July 16, 2024

‘FG allows child marriage but bans writing WAEC, NECO exams at 16’ ⬇️ https://t.co/eTO5pqZVHG

— The Guardian Nigeria (@GuardianNigeria) August 28, 2024

The societal disdain for women is pervasive, and boys grow up absorbing this hatred, internalising it, and acting on it. They see how their fathers treat their mothers; how their parent(s) treat their sisters; how women are dismissed in public life; how girls are constantly reminded that their worth is tied to their obedience and silence. Everything they consume and learn from various facets of society teaches them that they, as males, are entitled to act out, to be violent, to assert their dominance, because society will always be on their side. They harass, they bully, they hit, they belittle, they assault, they rape (in gangs, too) — all actions rooted in a deeply ingrained understanding that girls are there to be dominated, that their pain is secondary, if it matters at all.

X (formerly Twitter) is currently in an uproar because a 15-year-old boy (Goodluck Bison) was reported to have raped a sleeping 14-year old girl (Mercy Vangervihi) and bashed her head with a pestle resulting in the need for a brain surgery worth 2.5 million which her family crowdfunded for.

Mercy is 14yrs old, she was attacked by her 15yr old classmate, a boy.
She needs surgery, every donation counts 🙏 pic.twitter.com/ReXbezg3WR

— OMOTÉ-URHOBO 👑 (@MadamUfuomaa) August 31, 2024

Per usual, the excuses being made for this boy are endless. “Boys will be boys.” “He didn’t mean it.” “He’s just a minor.” Same excuses offered when real harm is done to women but most specifically, girls. Meanwhile, the girls they hurt are left to deal with the trauma — often in silence, because society doesn’t take their pain seriously enough. When society downplays the seriousness of gendered violence, it not only perpetuates the cycle of abuse but also sends a message to young girls that their suffering is not worthy of attention or justice.

Patriarchy undoubtedly exerts a profound influence on the socialization of boys, indoctrinating them with hegemonic masculinities that valorize aggression, control, and dominance over girls. However being overly reliant on structural explanations can unintentionally absolve individuals of accountability. This is particularly problematic in cases of premeditated violence, where the perpetrator’s actions are not spontaneous or reactive but calculated and intentional. When a young boy, fully cognizant of his actions, chooses to engage in violent behavior toward a girl, it is imperative that his agency in that decision is not obscured by broader structural narratives. The experiences of the oppressed is what truly matters, but when the discourse shifts too heavily toward systemic analysis, it can inadvertently decenter the trauma and suffering of the victims. The lived reality of a young girl who endures sexual violence is not merely a byproduct of patriarchal structures; it is a direct result of the deliberate and violent actions of another individual.

On June 21, 2022, New York Magazine published an article titled “Canceled at 17” by Elizabeth Weil which details the backlash against a group of teenage boys who had sexually violated their schoolmates. The focus was on a particular boy who was ostracised because “he got drunk and showed a nude of his beautiful girlfriend to a few kids there” — said girlfriend being an underaged girl. The article takes an egregious, sympathetic tone that attempts to delineate the extent at which ‘teen bullying’ (in this case, it refers to bullying the boy) has traversed, gathering it into a vociferous attack against cancel culture rather than addressing the severity of their misconduct and the trauma inflicted on the victims.

In Hunger, Roxane Gay recounts her sexual abuse — being a victim of a violent gang-rape incident by boys from her class when she was just 12 years old. It’s a story that is similar to the experiences of countless girls who have been violated by boys who were taught, explicitly or implicitly, that girls exist for their pleasure. And when these stories come to light, society often does more to protect the boys than the girls they hurt. In this latest case, instead of focusing on the devastating impact on the girl — who will live with the physical, psychological and emotional scars for the rest of her life — some are more concerned about the boy’s future, as if what he did wasn’t monstrous.

Of course, boys’ violence towards girls is a deep, systemic issue that has been allowed to fester. The socialization of boys into violent behavior is a complex process, deeply ingrained in cultural norms that glorify aggression and dominance. In his book Guyland, Kimmel notes that young boys are socialized into a “culture of entitlement” where they believe that they are entitled to power and control, often at the expense of others, particularly women and girls. As noted earlier, this entitlement starts early. It’s in the way boys are taught to see girls as objects of desire rather than as equals. And as these boys grow up, they carry this entitlement with them, turning it into violence. 

Further, it’s about a society that excuses boys for their violence while shaming girls for being victims. And it’s about a system that continuously fails to hold boys accountable for the harm they cause. Scholars like bell hooks have long argued that patriarchy perpetuates violence by teaching boys that dominance and aggression are inherently masculine traits. In The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love, hooks contends that boys are socialized to disconnect from their emotions and view women as objects to be controlled. This dehumanization of women makes it easier for boys to justify their violent actions, as they do not see their victims as fully human.

This belief, rooted in patriarchal ideology, is not easily dismantled, and it requires more than just addressing the symptoms. It requires a radical overhaul of how boys are raised, how they are held accountable, and how girls are valued in society. In many jurisdictions, including Nigeria, offenders old or young, like Bison, despite committing these egregious acts of violence, face minimal repercussions. The focus often shifts to their potential for reform rather than the gravity of their crimes or the impact on their victims. This usually leads to the perpetrators continuing their lives with little more than a slap on the wrist, if there is even that. Without significant efforts to challenge and transform existing norms and systems, the cycle of abuse will continue. But with the current state of affairs, systemic change feels dauntingly out of reach.