School did little to ease my anxiety or answer my questions about sex, leaving me pretty clueless. We all knew the basics, sure — don’t get pregnant, and use protection — but beyond that? Silence. And in that silence, many of us were left to figure things out on our own, often through trial and error, sometimes with more error than trial.

If you’re struggling with figuring things out, don’t worry. It’s not always intuitive, and you’re definitely not alone. In a world full of information, the stuff that really matters often gets drowned out. Hence,  many of us grow up confused because schools focus on academics instead of crucial life lessons. It’s time for education to include comprehensive sex and body awareness, helping us navigate myths and build confidence.

Navigating Practical Sex Tips

Let’s start with the obvious: there’s nothing wrong with not having sex, and it shouldn’t make anyone feel like a failure. Some people may choose to wait or not engage in sexual relationships at all, and those are valid choices. Not everyone experiences sexual or romantic attraction. Phrases like ‘body count’ portray sex as a sport, but it isn’t.  Consent is a must, and if anyone violates that, they’re committing a crime. Honestly, I wish capital punishment were on the table for those who violate others.

Here’s something you should know: Sex can lead to a bacteria-filled urethra for women. The best way to clear it out is to pee afterward. Make it a habit to hit the bathroom post-sex, unless you’re okay with dealing with a UTI. This is the kind of practical knowledge that should be common sense but often isn’t taught until it’s too late.

One thing they don’t really talk about in school is safe sex and the variety of options that exist. They shun the topic like it’s Voldemort — it should never be named. Well, if you’re not interested in sending that “I haven’t seen my period” text or contracting an STI, you need to have protected sex. 

Embracing the Realities of Sex and Relationships

Another thing I wish I’d learned about is self-pleasure, also known as masturbation. Throughout my life, it’s always been a taboo topic. Even if schools wouldn’t  promote self-exploration, understanding the distinction between the labia majora and minora would have been useful — especially since a simple internet search for ‘vagina’ can lead to some pretty confusing and eye-opening results.

Sex can be a very messy activity. TV and movies love to romanticize the act but conveniently skip the aftermath. In reality, you’ll need to clean up before any post-coital cuddling can happen.  Whether it’s grabbing a towel or washing up, sex isn’t the neat and tidy process that pop culture often makes it out to be. And that’s okay — just something to be aware of.

I wish schools combined sex education with lessons on self-confidence. Sex is already shrouded in taboo and shame, so discovering that you might make odd noises during it can feel doubly awkward. Queefing (Queefing is the release of air from the vagina during or after sexual activity, resulting in a sound similar to flatulence) and other quirky sounds are normal, especially when things get intense. The first time you hear these noises, it can be shocking — and a bit funny. But once you understand that these sounds are just part of the experience, you’ll move past any embarrassment.

The Hidden Realities of Relationships

Another thing that took growing up for me to figure out is that sex smells. If you walk into a room where people have just had sex, you’ll know instantly. There’s a fragrance to it. Remember that, especially if you decide to get it on in communal areas of your home like the living room. If you’re going to get busy in the living room, maybe consider a candle or some discreet air freshener.

Casual sex isn’t for everyone. Trying to spark a relationship through sex with someone who’s not interested will likely only lead to heartache and feeling used, especially if you have feelings for them. Real life isn’t a Friends With Benefits scenario where feelings magically align. If you’re not prepared for the emotional fallout, it’s okay to opt out. Relationships, like sex, require honest communication, and it’s better to be upfront with yourself and your partner about what you want. 

Finally, sex is often misunderstood because schools focus more on preventing pregnancy than on actual education. I had to learn on my own that people with disabilities can have fulfilling sex lives. When we strip away the shame and silence surrounding sex, we create space for honest conversations that lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships.