The main argument when it comes to the chemistry versus compatibility discussion is that many people wonder which exactly holds up when pit against the tides of ‘history’. Life often takes humans through various paths and most people would definitely sleep better if they could be assured that their relationships, of any kind, would make it through turbulent affairs and the occasional period of misfortune. There are very strong arguments regarding both sides. For one, no aspect of a willing romantic relationship could ever begin if chemistry did not exist in some form between both parties. If there was not an active reason or drive to uphold conversations, first-time meetings would be filled with much more reluctance than excitement.

In my own relationships, I used to be really big on chemistry as a guiding light. I was so used to my relationships being a certain way that I did not realize an unhealthy cycle was beginning to develop. Life became a consistent flow of flaming hot interests which fizzled out in under a month and friendships that would often start off with the ‘bestieee’ tag and fizzle out in an equally short time. Many of these relationships were formed based on a pattern of intimacy and familiarity that simply did not exist. Relationships that start off with chemistry, more often than not, tend to cosplay and mimic the history found in long-term relationships, which is why many people are often confused as to why their ‘strong’ relationships tend to break down after some time. Many relationships built on chemistry tend to blow fast and hot, then wrap themselves up just as roughly as they came through. While there is nothing inherently wrong with chemistry, compatibility holds up better for the long term.

Sharing interests, being invested in each other’s lives, actually having a connection outside of sex or a completely dependent relationship. Turbulent relationships like the ones I’ve had tend to have a repetitive cycle and a person who attracts ‘toxic connections’ can usually fall in this trap multiple times. I found myself opening up to multiple people, too fast too quickly, sharing a lot with them in what I assumed was necessary bonding. However, in a sick turn of events, all of this would be thrown back in my face and I was forced to pick up the pieces.

Compatibility helps us to reject this behavior. It teaches us to take things slow and let feelings happen organically. There is nothing wrong in taking some time to ascertain if a person should have access to your most private emotions and intimate struggles. Simply having amazing, intense sexual interaction with a person also does not mean you would make solid partners down the line. Take your time to assess other people, their perceptions, feelings and also what their true motives might be with you. When you give yourself ample time to truly process and come to terms with these things, you would also find that it becomes easier to name and place your own feelings about each individual. 

Compatibility truly helps everyone to keep a clear head about their standing and expectations of others. Compatibility will gently remind you that it is not ideal for a person you met a few weeks ago to have become an all-consuming thought. It is not healthy if your belly twists every single time you think of them, rather than starting to breathe easily and gain clarity inside of the relationship. For me, compatibility is what you should look out for if you’re willing to be with someone long term. Chemistry is important — of course you want to have that with someone you’re in a relationship with — but more importantly, are you compatible?