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B Side, Lifestyle

She Takes a Peep: Terdoo Oluwadara Bendega and a Culture of Protecting Abusers

Albeit a very difficult topic due to personal experiences with the subject of contention, She Takes a Peep delves into the uncomfortable climate of sexual crime, multiple count offenders and…

  • Chiamaka Ejindu
  • 21st April 2023

As a result of the social culture around sexual assault and other forms of sexual crimes, we may never truly know the extent to which these crimes go majorly unpunished. Unfortunately, many perpetrators even go on to achieve personal success, almost like they were rewarded for their bad behavior. One thing that has always stood out is that perpetrators rarely ever have one victim. In fact, many become so skilled that they are able to convince their victims to have long-term relationships with them and even pit them against one another. Under patriarchy and patriarchal violence, sexual crimes are a recurrent experience for women. The World Health Organization reports that one out of three women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime.







While the afore-mentioned statistic may seem alarmingly high, I believe that it does not even begin to scratch the surface for women and young girls. Sexual assault is an overwhelmingly underreported crime, as a result of the social climate around sexual crimes. Many women are often intimately abused by their partners, which leads to manipulation and an unwillingness to report. Many women are often blamed and shamed for sexual crimes against them, even by the police who are meant to be investigating those crimes. In the era of social media, we see women who come forward with allegations get maligned and even have their private information leaked. This is especially true when the allegations are against famous men who are well loved by many. The ‘MeToo’ movement was instrumental in putting some bad guys deeds in the spotlight, however it quickly died out because people were not ready to accept the reality that sexual assault is more common than let on. The worst part about the situation is that in cases of multiple abusers, people around them are aware of what they do. They can very well be handsome, well-spoken gentlemen but have multiple allegations of perpetrating violence against women. They can and very often are well loved men in the community, as a result of their charismatic appearances. Unfortunately, there becomes some sort of insidious agreement by people to remain unspoken about the crimes committed by these men. What usually informs this agreement is direct consequences of patriarchy and male violence against women.





On Twitter, a survivor tabled their experience in the hands of Terdoo Bendega which led to multiple allegations coming out against him. These alleged crimes detail revenge porn, sexual assault, emotional manipulation and blackmail. While being exposed, Terdo deleted multiple pages on social media which he had used to share videos of him having sexual interactions with partners. Unbeknownst to them, Terdo had recorded and stored videos of multiple partners in labeled files on his computer. He allegedly recorded these videos with an open laptop that displayed a blank screen. When another person sees the laptop, they would have simply assumed it was on sleep mode. He was also found to be posting some clips on Twitter and later on through a message sharing app called Telegram. Terdo built a following off those women’s bodies, bodies that many people who subscribed definitely knew to be unaware of what the man in their bed was doing. As a result of people giving a pass to—heck, even outwardly supporting him—Terdo was able to harm multiple women and cause undue damage to very young lives.




Why does society allow such instances of sexual assault and other violent crimes against women to keep happening? This is because the system that we live in feeds into subjugation of women. When there is violent crime against women and it happens often, unchecked, it sends the message that women will be unjustly denied human rights. Perpetrators benefit from the actions of the people who choose to look away, which is why many of them flagrantly assert themselves and then throw pity parties when they are called out. It is very important that we dismantle the system little by little, even when we feel like the society we need is so far out of reach. There are a few ways in which we can increase safety for all women. First, we must believe victims. It is incredibly important that women (and all victims of sexual crime) feel that they are heard when reporting. It is also important to support NGOs that deal with gendered violence. Reputable NGOs and not organizations that claim to support disenfranchised people but actively support law-making that harms women. Another way is to ensure that known abusers are socially ostracized, since they often use their connections to harm people in their communities. It will certainly not be easy to shift the culture of protecting abusers, but we have to start somewhere.



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